loveitmuch

07:57 am
"You have to understand that everything we have is meaningless, unless we truly know where we stand. This isn’t just for show but some may never see the limitless potential within you and me. If you can’t find the words, maybe there’s nothing left to say. Remember that this world still spins regardless of your decisions. So make them count, don’t lie to yourself. This life’s too fucking short to be someone else. One breath at a time, I’ll live day to day, and the things that mean the most could never be explained." -Life Long Tragedy

07:02 am
i miss my ajrs
fuck
Current Mood:

crushed

06:58 am - bummed
im done trying to win him over
cause obviously its not working

they say he likes me
but I don't even see it
Current Mood:

confused

January 30th, 2008

10:09 pm
I want a boy who wants me back
Current Mood:

lonely

January 29th, 2008

10:58 pm - uhh
well. I hope I'm not over reacting
But I don't wanna mess up a good thing
So all I can do is take a deep breath and tell myself
just take it slow

movies!
Current Mood:

exhausted

January 27th, 2008

09:54 pm
i don't understand what I did wrong
I guess it wasn't supposed to be then
Current Mood:

confused

January 24th, 2008

11:41 pm
I've noticed that I try and find songs that represent what I'm thinking at that very moment. I actually am doing a very good job at it.

My life is going very smooth right now and I am really enjoying it

thats basically all I have to say.

ohhh and I LOVE waking up to Jamie's messages every morning. It puts a smile on my face before I go to school.
Current Mood:

sleepy
Current Music: The taste the touch- asteria

02:09 pm
i still think about you but i could never take you back
this dream died the day you killed it
and it was something that i'll never have again
but at least i still have my crew
to pick me up and help me to forget you
if it was up to you, bitch, i'd be miserable
Current Location: danielles house

January 23rd, 2008

11:48 pm - bishop
You're wasting your breath by saying that you've changed
When the only thing that's different is you don't look the same.

Your day has come and gone and everyone knows your name
In cities far and wide, play that game
You're still the fucking same

After all these years you've never learned right and wrong
All the time spent on you, any hope for you is gone

Don't speak. Don't open your fucking mouth
Just save your breath, you're full of shit and no one cares.
No one cares about you

You haven't changed, you never will.
You're still the whore you've always been.
You're an empty glass waiting to be filled.
Old Habits die Hard

January 22nd, 2008

10:12 pm
you got my head spinning heart beating outta my chest
I'm a sucker for lovers

January 20th, 2008

09:05 pm - plain fun
I'm home once again bored outta my mind. I was thinking to myself...hmmm what should I do? So I sat down and now I'm writing this. Fun stuff riiight?

Well, first off I'm happy with where I am in my life right now. No more Anthony BULLSHIT. I like someone. =D That's my favorite feeling in the world, butterflies. The butterflies when he texts me, when we talk on the phone, or even when I even THINK about hanging out with him. Oh man it's awesome. He is so amazing...he makes me feel good and thats all that matters. So keep it up boy ;]

Jessica and Dustin came home this weekend and I had so much fun! Jessica and I have the time of our lives when we are together. First off we talk about EVERYTHING that is going on in our lives. we talk hours upon hours about anything and everything. The fun all started Saturday. We took her mom to work at 10 then we drove to the Ihop in la quinta area. We meet Shay there and had an amazing breakfast. (splinter splinter splinter!) But then Shay got pulled over on our way to her house. The ticket was for unsafe lane change. I felt so bad for her. But then Jessica and I went to the mall and looked for a dress for winter ball. I found one that I really want it 90 bucks. I'll get the money I hope.

On the way to the mall we were dancing to all kinds of music, from country to hip hop. We even danced to Rod Stewart. I think that was one of the funnest car ride. Cause we didn't car who saw us. After the mall we went to the beauty school and got info for Jessica cause she is moving home in two weeks! YAYYY! So then we went and looked at the house her mom is buying. Jessica and Paisley get the front room. But the house is beautiful! Too bad it's all the way in fucking La Quinta. It's better than Arizona I guess. When we got home she did my nails. she was hurting me left and right. It was all worth it though, cause they look good. When Jessica and I went back home Jake, Erika, Dustin, and my mom and dad were there. All but my dad sat at the kitchen table and talked for like 4 hours. Oh man we laughed so much! but that was basically my Saturday.

Today I didn't have to work so my brother and I went to yucca valley to return the trailer to my papas house. We were bumpin that shit the whole way there. He was dancing it was priceless haha.

I'm actually tired of typing so I'll post again later maybe

ps jamie rocks my socks :D
Current Mood:

lonely
Current Music: remembering sunday-all time low

January 18th, 2008

06:44 pm
i miss talking to jamie
Current Mood:

bored
Current Music: hammer house - folsom

January 17th, 2008

08:58 pm
I'm thinking too many things at once

I hate being bored cause then I think too much =/

MUSIC it's totally my thing. I love it all country hip hop rock metal hardcore pop punk anything you throw at me I'll prolly like. It's my therapy for EVERYTHING I have been going through these past couple months.

THOUGHTS I don't even know dude.

I'm totally over this whole lj thing

I'm just gonna go lay in bed and wait for jamies text <3
Current Mood:

aggravated
Current Music: break a leg- spill canvas

05:55 pm
I wish I could write lyrics like these:

Now that we have said goodbye
don't try and fix it up again.
It's my fault that you can't stand a thing i do.
And don't lie cause we know that you want too.
Now i can't seem to comprehend
how the things that you're saying is not what you meant at all.
Because last time i checked
these so called "friends"
were your "friends till the very end".

And now i know that i have made big plans
and i have said big things that i've pulled out of my head.
But these sins are kept in a lot
and have been kept it all,
now a handful is all thats left.
Can you just look at how things were
and how they are right now?
And please just tell me that i am right.
Just tell me why it's so hard for you to be wrong for once in your life

genius

January 14th, 2008

03:34 pm - school
what I thought about at school today:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Current Location: hoome
Current Music: lie to my face- Carnifex

January 13th, 2008

05:16 pm - mixed emotions
I wish I was on my way to Yuma right now. For two reasons there are SO many good bands playing tonight and he is gonna be there which would make me really happy to see. I can't believe he offered to give me money to go! It was one of the sweetest things but I just can't do that. I love how I can always talk to him.

My mom and I just got into a fight and its hurting me really bad to see her cry about it. I told her how I feel and then she cried some more. She finally realized that I need to make my own decisions and I'm glad she did that. I love her way tooo much to see her cry but she needs to see where I am coming from and she wont see it till I tell her

On a good note I have a job...well more than one. I don't know where I am going to choose. I went to orientation today at hollister and I am actually pretty excited about it.

thats basically it for now
Current Music: baby we're invincible - a rocket to the moon

January 12th, 2008

11:42 pm - ughhhh
he is being forced on me like nothing else ever has. I havn't even been pressured to drink or do drugs as bad as this, and honestly I hate it! why can't i make my own decisions with out anyone telling me what I should or shouldn't do. I'm my own person and I should be able to think for myself right? Well I had a good night with him on thursday even though it was really weird for me. I never thought I would be back there so soon. I still don't know how I feel and I think it is because of the fact that she is CONSTANTLY pushing him on me. I feel like the more she pushes the further I wanna pull away. Something truly in my heart is telling me that he is only gonna change for a couple months then it will all be back at square one. Not necessarily the drugs it's the mood change I am worried about. He said he loves me and will do anything to get be back, but how long is that gonna last? just until he gets me back and then he is gonna stop trying or what? I dunno I'm just worried about this whole thing

January 4th, 2008

11:15 pm
man oh man how i miss having a boyfriend.
yeah i do love hanging out with my friends all the time but its just not the same feeling as when i had him. i have talked to boys but nothing has clicked yet. i feel like I'm not good enough for some of the people i have been talking to but i dunno. i wish finding a boy was as easy as taking an order at a drive through window...Yes i would like a man about the age of 19, at least 5' 10 nice smile, tattoos plugs ok, sense of humor a must, no drugs of ANY kind, no smoking, drinking ok with a good taste in music. wow wouldn't life be wonderful? but no we have to go through jerks, liers, stuck-ups, and faggots. just to find the right one. and thats IF you ever find him. I can honestly say I have had good luck with boys but in the end it wasnt all that great. I think its cause i fall for them too fast. I don't know what it is but I just cant stay away from boys I just HATE being single but at the same time I love it cause I have NO restrictions to who I can or cant hang out with.

mind boggling

I just wish I could be happy

December 31st, 2007

10:40 am
San Diego was kinda dumb...

ok it was really dumb there were only two really good things that happened
1. the night before we left when danielle and i were texting the utah guys and telling them "yeah we party too" haha and calling eli and him thinking we were high and the security guard knocking on our door...wow good night
2. then at sea world when i talked and got a number from the HOTTEST guy he was from Pennsylvania. too bad that all the way across the country haha so are there any good beauty schools in Pennsylvania? yeah right

besides that christmas was good got a lot of good things and spent some good quality time with my brothers and family. i really do miss them so much. they need to move back home. its not fair.

thats it for now =]

wish me luck

December 18th, 2007

06:17 pm
yet again another boy tells me we are hanging out and nothing happens. no call or anything. i would rather get a call saying he couldn't hang out rather than nothing at all. but when he reads the message saying... hey let me know if we are still on for tonight and he doesn't respond hurts gayyy. it just doesn't make sense why do boys do that? so they like hurting my feelings?its been more than one too. ugh i really hope i get to know the other one better cause he is REALLY cute... to bad he lives in San Marcos. i don't think i can do long distance relationships. hmm i dunno but I'm having fun living life. but at the same time its hard cause i know that i DONT have someone to go home to every night and call my own. he came over and dropped all my shit off. I'm glad he doesn't have to think of my anymore. did he really have to be a dick about it? i think not. why was he asking my parents what they wanted for Christmas anyway? he has no right talking to them now that we are no longer together or even speaking for that matter.

i really hope he has a legit excuse
Current Mood:

indescribable

November 27th, 2007

10:15 pm
i think its so funny how he can go and do anything he wants now. he doesn't have any distraction anymore...nobody holding him back. he has been talking bout all this stuff he has been wanting to do and now he can do it... hahaha...just laugh thats all i can do now is laugh.

well my life is going good though...meeting new people (not by going to parties) just having FUN my senior year of high school. i love talking to my little oreo cause he makes me feel amazing. =] i know what some of my loved ones are saying but i don't care im gonna talk to him no matter what cause i like it... alot! i love how i have so much more time on my hands...i can go and hang out with danielle and even kevin and adam at almost anytime of the day. they make me so friggin happy =]]]

many many new friends cause i have a free spirit and i like it. and apparently so does he! haha making arrangments to hang out with my new peeps and hopefully all goes well...

i havn't been on here for a while and now im venting

it feels amazing thanks livejournal hah

November 20th, 2007

08:41 pm
i love jessica!

and her tie dye checks

April 14th, 2007

04:51 pm
I GOT TIE DYE CHECKS TODAY!!!!

so excited
Current Mood:

excited

April 7th, 2007

08:43 am
my life is good one part sucks but then all my other friends are helping me get through it. they know how to make a girl happy =] haha thanks hhc

i want it back
Current Mood:

drained

March 23rd, 2007

04:52 pm - can i go back please
i want it to go back to this

i wish i could make him happy
just look at him and take all of his troubles away...
i want him to be happy with life AND with me

i just wanna be perfect =[
Current Mood:

crushed

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

February 14th, 2007

12:12 am - daaang
been such a long tie since i have written on this

i'm still kinda mad cayse you did it in such a childish way...to tell you the truth we were helping you. keeping you AWAY from the drama! why didn't you just say something to us instead of us finding out and being even more MAD! it just didn't make sense to me i guess...oh and there is one person that didn't do ANYTHING to you and you hurt her SO BAD!

Double D- you are amazing you know why! YOUR JUST LIKE ME!!!! ha ha well thinks for the 6 hour long conversation and the confidence to tell you anything i just really hope you won't say anything to anyone cause that would be a big BUMMER! ily stay double d!

Danielle- your amazing i love you and your family i LOVE talking to you about stuff in 3rd! ahhh just pure LOVE <333

anthony- I LOVE YOU HAPPY V DAY!

Koby finally done with you f*cking cake haha turned out ok not what i wanted it to be but that always happends

uae- you guys are amazing well at least the music and stephano you guys are totally funny too

January 18th, 2007

04:49 pm - how
i don't know how i got this way its disgusting
no one sees it but me (like always)
i hate looking like this and feeling the way i feel its horrible
i wish it could go away in an instant
gone just like that!

good news

he is gonna stay with me the next couple days

nay is going to work out with me and help me on my quest
Current Mood:

aggravated

November 16th, 2006

08:28 pm
what did that mean hey hun when i'm standing right there it just doesn't make sense to me you left without even saying good bye that was so harsh did see that coming!

i don't know what to do now...maybe someone can help me?

cause i can't think of anything
Current Mood:

sad

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

November 14th, 2006

12:37 am
today was ok some up and downs mostly ups but a few downs to make my day not all that great. Someone was missing in my day and now i know how much of a hole there will be if something happens to her. i want her to be careful with whatever she does and she just needs to drop him from her life she knows he's not good for her at this point in her life maybe later in life it might work out to be friends but not now...no not now... Band was bad tonight did so many middle piece runs and also MANY closer run throughs it was horrible...we never get any breaks anymore why is that i don't know. i think he just wants to kill us thats the only reason i can think of...right after that i went to his house and ate dinner then chris came over and that was fun for a while. he left then we fell asleep for the rest of the time it was an ok day hope yours went well!

listening to atmosphere-

i will show you all you need to know you must hold on to anyone that wants you and i will love you through the simple and the strugle but girl you gotta understand the modern man must hustle hush little lady don't say a word all the rest of the village gonna know your disturbed and if you let 'em know that your vulnerable...
Current Mood:

sleepy

November 11th, 2006

12:47 am
i don't know why i am like this- bummed and don't know how to fix it...well at leat i tried to call right but i was turned down by everyone i called...kinda gay! but whatever i guess i deserved it!

so many people care for you why did you have to leave this great world everyone loved you so very much! and i hope for the best for you in the great blue sky.. we ALL love you always!
R.I.P. Josh Austin
Current Mood:

confused

November 2nd, 2006

06:36 pm
chocolate makes life so much better!

but just not too much cause then you get a tummy ache!
Current Mood:

full

October 30th, 2006

08:52 pm
while everyone complains about how much their life sucks and no one cares about them and how everyone just needs to fall off the planet and die! i am going to tell you how GREAT! my life is...

i finally went to my best friends house for the first time EVER! (i was hyped)

my boyfriend is the best(no one could ever ask for more)

i have some of the best grades i have ever had

we have a band comp on monday that i hope we kick ass in

and i just L-O-V-E-L-I-V-E!
Current Mood:

mellow

October 19th, 2006

06:37 pm
He is amazing but everyone already told me that...but now i am finally realizing it for myself! just being with him almost everyday these past three weeks just makes me so happy inside and knowing that i will be with him all weekend gives me butterflies! you know that feeling where you wanna hang out with the person you adore ten min. after they leave? well i have that feeling every second of the day....knowing that he will go home soon makes me not wanna let go of him!

the food was great and my parents love him AND his family. they thought they were great and they had a great time. i love it when your parents and their parents get along so well together it just makes life so much easier.

another football game another day i get to see him. his family is also coming to see me perform even though we don't do much tomorrow. it still makes me nervous

he makes me SMILE!
Current Mood:

loved

October 15th, 2006

10:54 pm
it was amazing the weather the people the music all at once! now it show me how perfect my life can be!

October 10th, 2006

11:13 pm
today was a better day had nay and san over at my house and it was a lot of fun cause we laughed many times! Ate some pizza and then went hone... that was the sucky part but whatever...its all good now because i am talking to him and it is making my life spended! he is the best thing in my life right now and i love him for that! he always puts a smile on my face!...i am so glad i have him!

you know you wish you were ME!!!
Current Mood:

content

October 9th, 2006

10:39 pm - terrible
well today was horrible

i wasn't dressed right

i was late

didn't know my music

got yelled at many times

and thats just the begining...

it was the one of the worst in a long time!
Current Mood:

crappy